All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
