Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
