If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
