I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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