btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
