Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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