i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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