Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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