how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
