sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize