I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
