I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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