It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
