Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
