Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
