There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
