come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize