Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
