Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
