Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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