I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
