I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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