i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
