I accidentally burped into my bong.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
