good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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