so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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