oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if only i could text you this smell
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
