Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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