take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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