last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
