Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
