alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
