I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
