You smell like stripper and shame
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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