and my herpes radar will keep us safe
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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