i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
