scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
NoShamevember. You game?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
