either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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