You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
