i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
