he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
