If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
