I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
