I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You ruined the universe
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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