Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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