You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize