There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
