come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
