you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
