In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
