Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
