i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
