He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
