I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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