She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
