so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
