nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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