We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
