Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
