are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Damn victory sex feels great
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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