If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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