I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
