White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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