My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
