Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
